I find it important to note that I fell off my bike less than five minutes after writing this. I swerved to avoid two people in wheelchairs and hit the curb.
[transcription: 9/6/17
I feel daring. What if I just kept going forward and never turned back?
On Saturday I somehow evaded being mugged at an ATM by kicking my attacker in the testicles. It was scary, but honestly I feel pretty good about myself for having that as my first reaction. I am only sporadically gutsy — sometimes I can scream “fuck off” at the top of my lungs, and other times I can’t get myself to speak or do anything.I guess when I’m threatened that anger inside of me is capable of taking over to protect me, and that kind of power feels pretty good. I filed a police report yesterday and taught a Dutch police officer what the slang term “junk” means in English, and that was pretty cool.
Even after that, I still feel the urge to veer off by myself a lot. I’m currently at the part of the Kröller-Müller Museum, which is HUGE and has bicycles for free use.I picked on that is maybe a centimeter too tall for me but is manageable, and then I just took off into the woods by myself. I don’t know where I am or how far I’ve gone, but it’s nice just sitting on a fallen tree with nothing but the sound of the wind and the occasional passing bicycle. This place reminds me a lot of bicycling around Diamond Lake — I’d do that essentially every summer as a kid around the same campground to the point where I haven’t been there in several years and I still know my way around the place like the back of my hand. I always seem to find the strangest places familiar even if they’re new to me. And the thought’s crossed my mind — what if I just keep riding forward forever like I’m back at Broken Arrow campground?
Well, the fact that I can’t bike worth shit is worth considering. I’ve had bikes run over by cars and the tires beaten against a tree stump to straighten them out, I’ve crashed into trees… It’s self-defense. Eventually I’m going to have to wander back to safety. for now, though, I can enjoy getting lost on my own. It’s quiet here, and that’s something I could use right now.]
Benni Travels 